I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize