Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize