is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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