But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
