I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
