i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
