She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
