Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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