I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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