She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
