we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
