I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
