I feel great
I just peed on a car
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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