They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i need some magic done to my vagina
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
