And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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