I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
