Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
