do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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