i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
