Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You ruined the universe
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
