My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
