We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
