So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
