I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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