There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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