my phone needs a breathalizer
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize