I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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