Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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