Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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