I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
