I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
