at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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