guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
