I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize