Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
