I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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