Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
