Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
as a side note pls kill me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
