I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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