i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
