She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
