if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize