how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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