Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize