he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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