Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
