Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You're like the curious george of whores
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
