I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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