So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
