Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
