Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i've created a new STD.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
