what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
