U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
