clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
