when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
