You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
