I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
