AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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