I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
