Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
