She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Fuck appropriateness.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
