I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
