my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I still have a little drunk in my system
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
