Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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