I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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