there was a trapeze. enough said
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
