Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
